If You Cannot Reach For Joy Yet, Reach For Truth - Episode 311

Joy can feel like it slipped away somewhere between responsibilities, heartbreak, hormones, and that creeping sense of “is this it?” I’m Sandy Kruse, and I’m getting real about what I’ve been seeing in people over 50: a heaviness that isn’t just about aging skin or a busy calendar. It’s stress that never fully shuts off, grief that shows up in waves, and a nervous system that’s been holding too much for too long. If you’ve ever felt guilty that you can’t just “be positive,” this conversation is for you. 

I unpack why joy was more effortless when we were young, from a more responsive dopamine system to fewer fixed roles and more built-in community. Then I look at what changes after 50: chronic stress, sleep disruption, changing hormones in women and men, social contraction, and the quiet identity shift that can come with empty nest, divorce, retirement planning, or simply realizing certain dreams will not happen. I also talk about the midlife alcohol pattern that can sneak in as “relief,” and why it often backfires by worsening mood, anxiety, and sleep, making natural joy even harder to access. 

When you’re burned out, numb, or grieving, you can’t layer “joy practices” on top of an unprocessed war zone, as some "experts" claim we "need" to do. I share what I believe comes first: truth, acknowledgement, and the work beneath the work, plus tools that can help, including support, somatic approaches, and EFT tapping. From there, we build joy back through four pillars to slowly regulate the nervous system. 

If this hits home, subscribe, share it with someone who feels heavy, and leave a rating and review so we can keep bringing grounded conversations about midlife wellness, hormones, nervous system health, and joyful aging to more people.

Transcript

Why Joy Feels Harder Now

The Biology And Burden Shift

Grief, Meaning, And Identity After 50

Alcohol As Relief Then Depletion

Stop Forcing Joy Start With Truth

EFT Tapping And Gathering Tools

Four Pillars To Rebuild Joy

You Are Not Broken Closing CTA

Sandy Kruse 0:02

Hi everyone, it's me, Sandy Kruse of Sandy K Nutrition Health and Lifestyle Queen. For years now, I've been bringing to you conversations about wellness from incredible guests from all over the world. Discover a fresh take on healthy living for midlife and beyond. One that embraces balance and reason without letting only science dictate every aspect of our wellness. Join me and my guests as we explore ways that we can age gracefully with in-depth conversations about the thyroid, about hormones, and other alternative wellness options for you and your family. True Wellness nurtures a healthy body, mind, spirit, and soul. And we cover all of these essential aspects to help you live a balanced, joyful life. Be sure to follow my show, rate it, review it, and share it. Always remember, my friends, balanced living works. Hi everyone, welcome to Sandy K Nutrition Health and Lifestyle Queen. Today I'm going to talk about how we can cultivate more joy as we age over 50. And I know it sounds cliche. It is not going to be cliche, I promise. It is not going to be these, you know, five top tips to cultivate more joy in your life, like some podcasters we know. Anyway, it's going to be much more grounded. And I'm going to start by telling you a story. Today I went out, I went out just to get some groceries, and I saw someone who I hadn't seen in a long time. And this has happened to me a number of times recently with people who I haven't seen in a while that are you know around my age, over 50, over 55. I'm 56. And what I saw in these people is this deep weight on them. And I was talking to my mom. And my mom is going to be 80 this year. My dad will soon be 89. And I was saying, you know, mom, it's interesting because I noticed something in just the last couple of years, is people who I see on the street, I'm not talking about who are drinking. Okay, because I am going to get to that, the alcohol side of this. But I'm talking about people you just run into, who are, you know, sober, but you see this heaviness about them. And of course, we're not going to look like we did when we were young. But you wonder, it's it's almost like this energy that you feel from them. Like, you know, if their energy could speak to your energy, they'd be saying, I've gone through a lot in these last 55, 56 years, and I know I'm wearing it now. That's what this podcast is about. So often it's not even just the fact that, of course, we're gonna have more wrinkles. I made sure it's funny, I did a call this week and I was in bad lighting, and I'm like, ooh, I gotta turn on that, you know, beauty thing on my Zoom. But right now, I'm gonna tell you the only thing I have is good lighting, no filtration or anything like that, and portrait, so that you know, you don't see all the background. So just letting you know that. So the one thing is when we were young, somehow joy came easily. And now it almost feels like something we've gotta, you know, struggle to feel and have. And you know, another story that probably many of you would relate to is I used to smoke. I quit in my 30s, and my one of my best friends, she sent in our little group, there's just four of us in this group, she sent this um Instagram reel of somebody talking about how good it was when we smoked, and we started to almost reminisce and say, God, like somehow it we did feel lighter, easy going, whatever back in those days when we used to smoke, and you know, is it the smoking or is it youth? Right? So that's what I'm gonna get into. So, why was joy so effortless when we were young? So, number one, biology. When you're younger, you have a more responsive dopamine system, and so novelty hits harder. I don't know if you notice this, but you know, think about a little kid at Christmas, and if they get anything for Christmas, they open up a present, they're like, Yay, this is the best day of my life. And now you, you know, as a 56-year-old woman might open up a gift and go, yeah, thank you. It's great, you know, but you don't jump up and down like you used to. That's an example. So, life stage, fewer responsibilities, less accumulated stress, and more spontaneity. That all comes with not having children, not having a spouse, not having those responsibilities. And for those of you who might have young children and you go, ah, God, I can't wait till they grow up. You know, all I'm gonna say is bigger kids, bigger problems. So it's it's just a different, different situation, and it's harder in a different way. And also, a lot of kids or teens or 20s somethings haven't experienced, you know, that heavy load of that accumulation of stress as we age. So the other thing when you're young, you have freedom to experiment, and you don't have as many of these fixed roles: mother, caregiver, dad who has to go into work and make money, like all these roles that come into play as we age. Then there's the social aspect, you're in constant contact with your friends because all of you got nothing to do. So you got this built-in community that's there at any moment that you want them or need them. And then loss, which I touched on a lot of, I know a lot of younger kids, 20-somethings, have not yet experienced the loss of a parent. And I'm, you know, or watch their friends get sick with a really serious illness, or, you know, have had to live through major grief. Of course, there are some, you know, but I'm just saying the majority. So youth is more buoyant because it's unburdened, and midlife is heavier because it's honest, it's honest lived experience and life. After 50, that weight, it can accumulate. And I've talked to you at great length about a lot of the things that I do, which I am going to get into to try and peel some of those heavier layers that I have accumulated in my life. So, what changes after 50 is stress and responsibility, career, money, aging parents, if your parents are still alive, loss of parent, um, health, adult children, partnership strain, financial strain, um, chronic stress can reshape your nervous system. Then there's hypervigilance, poor sleep, low capacity for joy. And then, you know, you have to throw into the fact that your hormones are changing. Whether you're a man or a woman, your hormones are changing. And I've had really in-depth discussions about how even our husbands are changing. Where everyone's talking about menopause. And I did a I did record an amazing show. It did very well on YouTube. It's all about how men after 40 seem to almost be forgotten. And it's true because everyone's talking about menopause, but nobody's talking about how our men are changing too. So go and find that. That episode was really, really popular with men. Why? Because I'm not talking about biohackers, I'm not talking about health enthusiasts, I'm talking about the regular guy who feels himself fading. So these I've done many, many shows on hormones and how important they are for our vitality. And so that goes for men as well. Then there's um neurobiology. So dopamine response blunts with age, which I was talking about with our teenagers and our young kids who are just so happy all the time. So joy feels less sparkly by default. Just that's just the way it is. And then stress hormones stay elevated longer and it's harder to downshift. And all of this is physiology, which I've done many shows on. So I always say if you can optimize your hormones because that's going to help give you that little joie de vive. Did I say that right? Joy of life, right? That's what we all want. We all want that, no matter how old we are. A lot of people, once they reach midlife, also have this weird um identity shift and meaning, is this all that life is about? Is this it? You know, a lot of people are planning their retirement, and then there's, you know, empty nest. There's major, there's major life shifts that happen at this age. There's divorce. I know of, you know, quite a few people who get divorced once the kids leave, stagnation in your marriage, and then there's social contraction, fewer close friends, less spontaneity, and more isolation. And I really went through a big shift in 2025 in that area, and it was actually very positive for me. Let's just say it was very important for me to ensure that the people who were in my sphere, in my circle, really supported me. And so I purposely did that in my life. I purposely ensured that my circle was smaller, but it was just it is, it is high quality, and I love it, and I'm happy that I did that. So then there's that quiet earthquake, which is loss and grief in midlife. Loss tends to arrive in waves, death of a parent, illness in self or partner, divorce or estrangement. Um dreams that clearly okay. I'm gonna get emotional. Dreams that clearly won't happen now. So that really makes me pause. A lot of people think this is it. Okay, I'm 56. Now I gotta plan for retirement, and then what? I'm gonna travel a little and then die of a horrible disease. So it's really heavy when you think of it that way, and and for me, and this is why I guess I don't think of it that way. There's many reasons why I don't think of retirement. A lot of them are personal reasons, but one of them is because I always want to be excited about something, which is what I'm doing right here, right now. And what did I go back to college for? You know, when I was in my mid-40s to do what I do now because I'm passionate about it, and so that's gonna be part of a solution that I'm gonna get to. So grief can change the brain and the body. Fog, fatigue, difficulty concentrating, emotional volatility, joy feels wrong, unsafe, or out of reach. Have you ever heard somebody say that to you? I don't want to be too happy because I'm afraid that doom and gloom is right around the corner. I have. And then the story that forms from that is I'm not the same person, I don't know how to feel light anymore. This isn't pathology, it's a sane response to real loss. And, you know, many people at this age have experienced some heavy shit. Whatever it is, you know. I talk about my story because I feel like it can be inspiring for some people. You know, having a child that had cancer, I was 40, she was age five, and then I had cancer, 41. Anyway, I'm gonna I'm getting off topic here. I'm gonna keep going. Real loss is real loss, and there's gotta be a way to lift the heaviness. Let's talk about alcohol. I have done shows on alcohol, and there are some very real stats on why midlife drinking can increase, and it's really about numbing when joy feels impossible. And alcohol can be coping, it's used to manage stress, loneliness, grief, boredom, emotional pain. And it's almost like, you know, back when we were 20, it was about partying. And then as we get older, it's more about that relief. So there's something they call um the double effect. So short term, it may reduce anxiety and negative effect and gives a brief sense of ease. However, long term, it disrupts the reward pathways, it worsens the mood, the sleep, anxiety, and it makes natural joy harder. This is real research. You can look it up. So the loop is you feel heavy, you drink, there's brief uh relief, then there's more depletion, even less capacity for joy, and then more drinking. So it's not a moral failure, it's a nervous system trying to cope with too much because you don't have the tools to cope in a different way. Missing the missing point in all of this, and you know, there's there's a lot of reasons why some of these big cliche podcasts um hosts, they miss the mark because they'll be like, Oh, do this, cultivate more joy by doing this. I'm like, it's sometimes it's impossible. Like, if somebody says, like, I can't be present, I can't call a friend, I'm barely holding it together. So that person I saw, I felt that from their energy, and I could see something in their eyes, like there's something heavy there. I'm very um I'm able to read energy very easily in people, and it made me really feel for that person. So I think the first thing is to acknowledge the state that you're in, because that point of acknowledgement is very, very powerful. Burnout, grief, depression, resentment, numbness, these are just signals for your body, they're not defects, and you can't layer all these joy practices on top of an unprocessed war zone. That's what I'm saying. You can't be like, oh, cultivate more joy. I'm like, nah, people, we gotta speak real here. That shit doesn't work when you're down here, as low as you can possibly be, and a lot of people are at this age. So, what do you do? The work beneath the work, the grief work, actually feeling and naming what you've lost, asking, given everything that's happened, who am I now? Who am I? Who is Sandy Cruz? I think I know who I am, but then it's just my ego answering. So, you know, that that's a whole other topic. And then, you know, notice the the internal narratives, like I'm too old for that, it's over for me, my life is changed forever, I don't deserve joy. Then there's nervous system work, learning what calms you and what floods you, what shuts you down. And again, if you focus on your physical health first, you're gonna be able to do more of this. And I, you know, I am a holistic nutritionist, so start by, you know, just eating real food, stop eating takeout, like start with the simple things. You know, I've always believed in meeting my clients where they were at. And so, how about this? Meet yourself where you're at and start with the baby steps. Normalize everything, like, don't beat yourself up over this when you truly can't cultivate more joy. There are seasons where the work is not about adding joy, it's about clearing rubble. That was my 2025. Definitely, and there were signs before 2025 that I needed to do that, but I ignored it. And here I am talking about it because I myself, my role in this world now is to alchemize experiences to help others. So sometimes you're gonna have really tough seasons. Then there's therapy, support groups, spiritual direction, there's somatic work. This is joy work at the root. Because when you do some of this work, and I never tell anyone, oh, you gotta do uh somatic work. No, you have to do what feels right. I'll tell you a little story because often I'll speak about something, and a person listening will go, whatever, that doesn't resonate. But then they'll come back a year later and go, Oh, I just tried that. And I'll be like, mm-hmm. I did talk about it, and I'm not shaming you for not trying it last year, but you weren't ready for it. So one thing that I've actually really embraced recently is EFT tapping. And my friend Brenda Farrugia of so brilliant.ca, I constantly talk about her because she is the most amazing person to help you gather many tools. To do the work that I'm talking about. So she started talking about EFTM, like, I don't know, that doesn't resonate, blah, blah, blah. Then I realized I had a resistance. And that's where the key is. I'm like, why do I have a resistance to this? Because the body naturally doesn't want to do something that seems hard. It's very normal. And so I started doing it. And then I'm like, huh, I'm seeing that this is actually very good for me. So get the tools, gather the tool. By the way, there's tons of research on EFT tapping, tons. So check it out. If you can't reach for joy yet, reach for truth. I hope that line sits with you. Because that's where the joy will eventually grow. When, and this is like, listen, I I am a product of what I'm speaking of. I felt like there had been something off in my life for a couple years. And I'm certainly, you never reach that summit. You're never at that peak where you're like, ah, I'm done. I'm perfect now. That's not that's not why we're here on earth. It's constant evolution until our purpose is kind of okay, you've done, you know, your job. Maybe then your soul leaves this planet. I know this sounds very heavy. But my point is is that if you can't reach for joy yet, reach for the truth, and that's where the joy will eventually grow. So four pillars of cultivating joy. Okay. Once you clear that rubble that I talked about, and you can see whoever resonates with you, but start with truth. Then you could start with these things. So pillar number one is presence, micro moments. I've seen a lot on this on social media. Uh, micro moments of slowing down, one deep breath, one look at the sky, and realizing how beautiful that is. One pause before reacting. It's not mindfulness performance. This is not performative, it's just tiny interruptions of autopilot in your day. You know, like I sit at my kitchen table most of the time when I do work, and we have these cardinals that come, and every time I see that cardinal, or I don't know if it's the same one, I stop what I'm doing, no matter what, and I watch that cardinal. That's a micro moment. Anytime I see the sky look amazing, I take out the garbage in the morning and I notice the sunrise, and I'm like, wow, it's beautiful. That's what I'm talking about. But if you don't clear the rubble first, you may not even see it. You may not notice it. Okay. Play. Low stakes experimentation. Try something new, do it badly, whatever it is. I actually want to go bowling. That's one of my things. I also want to do um learn some country line dancing. So this is big. Reintroduce novelty to wake up those dormant circuits. Okay. Play as rebellion against the narrative that midlife is only serious. Okay. Be a midlife rebel. How about that in a good way? Purpose. Not okay, you know, people say, find your passion. Ask yourself this. What do I care about now, other than doom scrolling? And listen, there's a there's a place for doom scrolling too. Don't get me wrong. But what do I care about now? Where can I contribute, even in small ways? Purpose as a reason to get out of bed, not a brand. So I have actually been asked this a number of times. Why do you do this? You don't have sponsors, you're not making a ton of money on this. Why do you do this? I do this because it's always been about passion over profit for me. If I do make a little bit of money on affiliates that I really believe in in my heart and soul, so be it. But I'm always honest. I'm always doing this with integrity and truth. And it's always passion over profit. So find that reason to get out of bed. Here, what you're listening to right now is my big one. So joy is co-regulated, and our nervous systems sync with others. So, one text, one coffee, one honest conversation. Rebuild connection slowly and imperfectly. I have a call every morning with one of my best friends who's been one of my best friends and is my best friend since we were five or six. We even if it's like a 15-minute call, we do a little debrief, a little catch-up. Sometimes we talk about heavy stuff. Sometimes we just do a little debrief on a show that we're watching together. She's watching it herself, I'm watching it, and we do a little debrief, but it's real connection. And we love each other. We're childhood friends. We're like sisters. So for the for the listener that feels too far gone, if you're listening and you're thinking, that's nice, but I'm beyond this. This is for you. You are not broken, and you are not overloaded. Your lack of joy is data and not a diagnosis of your worth. The first act of joy might simply be refusing to abandon yourself anymore. Because often we do that as we get older. We abandon ourselves for that person's problem and our kids' problem and our husband's problem, and on this and this and this. And then we're like, who the hell am I anymore? So remember that. I want you to know that you know, joy in midlife isn't just an accident that you stumble upon, it's a craft, it's kind of like our health. We have to kind of mold our lives and our habits and everything because whatever we were doing in our 20s and 30s, it's not going to be the same. And we didn't have that kind of lived experience. So I really hope that this was helpful. If it was, please share this with a friend. Please follow me on wherever you're watching this or listening to this. It's Sandy Knutrition Everywhere. I'm very active on Instagram and on Facebook, TikTok. So follow me there. And I just sending you lots and lots of peace and joy in your lives. See you next week. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Be sure to share it with someone you know might benefit. And always remember when you rate, review, subscribe, you help to support my content and help me keep going, bring these conversations to you each and every week. Join me next week for a new topic, new guest, new exciting conversations to help you live your best life.