How to Find Peace in a Chaotic World with Author of "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" series Kristine Carlson - Episode 263

Important links:

Go here to learn more about Kristine Carlson's books, retreats, courses and more:  https://kristinecarlson.com/

Join my Substack, where you'll get a glimpse of my upcoming book:
https://sandykruse.substack.com/

If you want to get in touch, email me sandy@sandyknutrition.ca

Kristine Carlson is a New York Times bestselling author, best known for her work with her late husband, Dr. Richard Carlson in the Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff series—with over 25 million books sold worldwide. She is a renowned speaker, inspiring podcast host, retreat leader and blogger. Her mission is to help women transform from heartbreak and loss to live their best lives with joy, gratitude, renewed passion and purpose. With her resilient spirit, powerful presence and heart-centred teaching, she guides women through the challenges and transitions of middle life and awakens them to their truth and the expression of their highest selves.

Kristine Carlson shares her journey from a devastating loss to discovering profound joy and contentment, offering practical wisdom for navigating life's challenges with grace and resilience.

• Kristine's backstory with the "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" series co-created with her late husband Dr. Richard Carlson
• The difference between happiness (ongoing contentment) versus joy (momentary peaks)
• How tragedy can transform into purpose and personal growth
• Practical tools to become "imperturbable" in a reactionary world
• The "stop, drop and notice" technique for becoming responsive rather than reactive
• Why beginning your day with intention sets the tone for everything that follows
• Distressing research showing happiness has declined from 95.8% to 84.9% in Canada since 1984
• The Ho'oponopono practice (I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you) for releasing expectations
• How journaling as if you're one year in the future can help align with what truly matters

Share this episode, follow Sandy on social media @SandyKNutrition, and subscribe to her Substack for more insights on balanced living.

Chapters

• 0:00 Introducing Christine Carlson
• 6:25 Christine's Journey Through Loss
• 17:53 Defining Happiness vs Contentment
• 26:13 Tools for Managing Reactivity
• 34:45 Setting Boundaries for Inner Peace
• 43:55 Is the World Less Happy Today?
• 56:27 Support and Closing Thoughts

Transcript

Sandy Kruse: 0:02

Hi everyone, it's me, Sandy Kruse of Sandy K Nutrition, health and Lifestyle Queen. For years now, I've been bringing to you conversations about wellness from incredible guests from all over the world. Discover a fresh take on healthy living for midlife and beyond, one that embraces balance and reason without letting only science dictate every aspect of our wellness, and my guests as we explore ways that we can age gracefully, with in-depth conversations about the thyroid, about hormones and other alternative wellness options for you and your family. True Wellness nurtures a healthy body, mind, spirit and soul, and we cover all of these essential aspects to help you live a balanced, joyful life. Be sure to follow my show, rate it, review it and share it. Always remember my friends balanced living works. Friends, balanced living works. Hi everyone, welcome to Sandy Kay Nutrition, health and Lifestyle Queen.

Sandy Kruse: 1:33

Today I have a return guest. Her name is Kristine Carlson and she's a New York Times bestselling author. She's best known for her work with her late husband, dr Richard Carlson, in the Don't Sweat the Small Stuff series, and she was on my podcast last year where we discussed how to transform tragedy into purpose. And this time we are going to be talking about how to be happy in our ever-changing world, and you know, I think this is a really good topic because the last two episodes I've had have been very, very sciencey. Most of you who follow me and have been following me for over five years now know that I do not believe that science can completely dictate our wellness, because our wellness embodies a lot more than just what is explainable by science. What is explainable by science, you know, we have to consider the health of our body, our mind, our spirit and our soul, and that's why this discussion is just so wonderful, because happiness. Is this a goal that we can all achieve? Can we all achieve happiness all the time? Please do me a favor. Listen to this entire podcast.

Sandy Kruse: 3:20

Follow me on all of my socials Sandy K Nutrition, health and Lifestyle Queen, or just Sandy K Nutrition anywhere and everywhere. I'm active on Instagram, facebook, tiktok, youtube, rumble Threads, all of the above and I'm also a writer, just like Kristine. Follow me on Substack. Most of the stuff that I put out there is for free. There is a paid option as well. It's just sandykruse. substackcom. The link will be there and the reason I started the Substack it's not even a year and I've got I think I've got about 350 subscribers.

Sandy Kruse: 4:03

Now it's because I write short, explorative essays to really help you think about your wellness as it pertains to you. I don't dictate oh, you must intermittent fast, or nobody should be eating kale, because kale can kill you. I've become a little bit of a I don't know. I feel like this world of wellness has gotten to be too much of a dictatorship. In that I'm right, you're wrong. The science says this. So you have to do this and I don't believe this. I believe that we are so bio-individual and nobody can tell us exactly what's going to help us heal our body or our mind or help with our spirit. So that's why I started my sub stack.

Sandy Kruse: 5:02

So go find me there, go find me on my socials and, if you can do one thing for me here after you listen to this, two things. One is share this podcast episode, whether it's sharing it through a text with your friend or share it on your own social media and tag me. I'm just um anywhere. If it's on Instagram, it's just at Sandy K nutrition. This helps me to keep having these amazing conversations and great guests each and every week, and great guests each and every week. Also, if you're listening on Spotify or if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, there is a way that you can add a few kind words to your reviews, provide me with a five-star rating and how this podcast helps you live a healthier and happier life. Thank you so much, and with that let's cut on through to this amazing interview with my friend, christine Carlson. Be sure to follow her as well, and all the links are in the show notes.

Sandy Kruse: 6:24

Hi everyone, welcome to Sandy K Nutrition, health and Lifestyle Queen. Today with me I have a return guest. I have the lovely Kristine Carlson back, and Kristine is a New York Times bestselling author best known for her work with her late husband, dr Richard Carlson, in the Don't Sweat the Small Stuff series, with over 25 million books sold worldwide. She's also a renowned speaker, inspiring podcast host, retreat leader and blogger, and her mission is to help women transform from heartbreak and loss to live their best lives with joy, gratitude, renewed passion and purpose. With her resilient spirit, powerful presence and heart-centered teaching, she guides women through the challenges and transitions of middle life and awakens them to their truth and the expression of their highest selves.

Sandy Kruse: 7:28

And the first we talked about tragedy turning tragedy into purpose in our last recording. That was episode 248. And now we're going to talk about how to be happy in our changing world. Because you know, christine and I, I think we're pretty aligned in a lot of ways. We try and stay out of really kind of heated discussions and politics. And you know, I know for me personally I just have to do what makes me happy and healthy and that's kind of where it's at and that's for me and my family. So I think this is an important discussion and I just want to welcome you back again, christine. I know you and I just really align and we just we sync. So I'm happy to have you, thank you.

Kristine Carlson: 8:24

Yeah, thank you, sandy, for having me back. Our last discussion was so deep and so wonderful, and I also love your energy and feel very aligned with you, so thank you.

Sandy Kruse: 8:36

I think it's important for anybody who maybe didn't hear our first conversation just to give us a backstory, because everybody I know has heard of Don't Sweat the Small Stuff. But I think you're, you know you're. I'm going to call it. It's a hero's journey. What? What led you to do what you do now?

Kristine Carlson: 8:56

Yeah, that is, that is true, so you probably. Well, I'll just go back to the beginning. Richard and I met in college and we immediately fell in love. It was a very fairytale-ish story of romance. I felt like I'd always known him and we dated many years before we got married out of college and we had two daughters. Married out of college and we had two daughters.

Kristine Carlson: 9:30

And Richard embarked on his journey as an author after becoming a certified rolfer, a bodywork therapist, and got his master's and PhD in psychology during that time and then really wanted to write. He had done, he'd been working with people this is all prior to positive psychology, prior to life coaching, even the field of coaching. But he had developed something called happiness training because he didn't really believe that long-term traditional therapy helped all people. He did think that their traditional therapy helped some people, but he felt like the people that he knew that he was supposed to speak to would do better with what he called happiness training and that was really teaching five principles of happiness. So he went and he did that for many years and then started writing his books and on the 10th book he'd written many books on happiness, but on the 10th book he wrote Don't Sweat the Small Stuff, and that book completely took off for a couple of reasons. We felt that it was the timing of that book.

Kristine Carlson: 10:39

It was 1997 when that book came out and that was right on the cusp of the exploding technology, computer technology, the dot-com era. It was like where email started really happening. It was really an overwhelming time for people and we think that's why Dose With a Small Stuff became so popular so fast, because where technology was meant to, we thought, give us more time, it actually ended up taking more time because it tied us to technology 100% of our time, versus having those spacious time periods where we were away from our technology. You know where we're away from our technology where we were away from the phone. You couldn't take your phone because we didn't have cell phones in the car with you. So you had that time alone and you had that time away. You would sit at your desk and talk with people on the phone and perhaps work on a document, but you weren't being emailed constantly. Perhaps work on a document, but you weren't being emailed constantly, you know. So there's there's this way in which people became very overwhelmed and in that overwhelm their anxiety grew and I think that the generation of people that really resonated were the 35, you know, to 55 year olds, where they started to realize, wow, you know, our lives are, um, we're not as happy as we really want to be. How, what, what's going on, why, how can we change this? And it was a really good era also for self-help. People were into self-help, they wanted to learn more, they were into personal development and growth. So that book really took off.

Kristine Carlson: 12:23

And it was then, upon the 10th anniversary of Don't Sweat the Small Stuff, that Richard got on a plane and he was promoting a different book and he was going to New York to do publicity. And on the descent of that flight, at 45 years old, he died very suddenly from a pulmonary embolism. And it literally just was so really truly unexpected that it completely rocked our world my daughters, mine, his parents, my parents, all of the friends and family that loved us, his fans all around the world. I mean it really really was just a wow, really, how did this happen? Moment. And for me it really did, as you say, it really did start my hero's journey. I mean, it shattered my life and my perfect life the way I knew it. Of course, there's no perfect life, but you have this idea of what you're trying to attain. And it shattered that and sent me on a whole new trajectory of healing healing through loss, healing through grief, seeing my girls through grief, and then in that it was amazing because it also opened up a whole new body of work for me. I realized that part of my healing was journaling, and so I healed through writing. And as I was writing this journal, I started to become so aware that I was actually sharing a template for grief. And and then I, a couple years later, wrote the book Heartbroken Open a memoir through loss to self discovery.

Kristine Carlson: 14:13

Because I also realized that the journey of grief led me back to myself in such a profound way and and I also, you know I hadn't returned to full joy, but I was definitely having a very alive experience of life, like I was knowing that grief wasn't all sadness, that there was, it was intermixed with joy and all sorts of you know different emotions. But I started to realize, well, this is really what being alive is. This is really being alive because you feel everything. You feel every breeze of wind on your face. You look up and you see the beauty of the sky. Light is really light and explosive. You know like and because you're awakened and I started to really draw these conclusions about going through this heart. Know like and because you're awakened and I started to really draw these conclusions about going through this heartbroken, open experience and that it really had awakened me into a higher level of consciousness, into a higher level of compassion and understanding.

Kristine Carlson: 15:20

And then, of course, I hoped, and deeply hoped, that I would return to my happy self and a life full of joy. And I did return to that life, but I returned a different woman, and I think that's what happens to all of us when we go through any big change. What you've been through with your health, you know, anything that we have to go through, that is, you know, deep and healing also brings us into a new place in ourselves. And you know I think that was the most beautiful part of the journey was to realize that the growth that happened was so huge for my soul and for my expression in this lifetime that I couldn't, in a way, I would as much as I would love to have Richard here with me. It was as if our soul contract had given me this incredible gift and it was the gift of really knowing that I was going to make the most of this life that I was living.

Kristine Carlson: 16:25

And certainly the work that I've done over the past almost 20 years now has profoundly impacted many people and many people through my own books and through my retreats and through my speaking. So it's been just a wild ride and that brings us, you know, to today, and so that's kind of in a nutshell, that's the history of my story, and what brings me to the work that I do is a deep passion to help other women especially, overcome these very big life transitions and come to a place where they step into their lives. They give themselves permission to step into their lives with the fullness of expression, the fullness of what they have to experience while here for the rest of their journey on earth.

Sandy Kruse: 17:20

Yeah, you have a very powerful story where you turn something that was a real tragedy into somehow finding your way to your gifts, and it's certainly not a good way to experience it, but often that's what happens to us. And that whole word happy, you know, I heard this and I found this really interesting. We're going to get deeper into this. I stopped saying to my kids I just want you to be happy and healthy. And the reason I stopped that, christine, is because I was like, okay, you know, the word happy has a definition that doesn't necessarily align with what life is going to offer you all the time. So it's almost like I'm giving them false hope to be searching for constant happiness.

Sandy Kruse: 18:29

And so many years ago I started writing them letters. So, like on Valentine's Day, on their birthdays, I don't buy cards, I write them a letter, and usually that letter is talking about their gifts and talking about life. And so I think, defining what is an enriched life, you know, does that mean it's happy? Like, I don't know if you get where I'm coming from, but I do, I do. I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

Kristine Carlson: 19:08

Yeah, well, I think what you're, what you're speaking to is is really profound. You know we can choose words and words have different connotations and meanings, but really, what is it the meaning? What is the meaning that you give the word and you know what happiness is for one person, maybe something totally different than what happiness is to another person? For example, I think of happiness as being this kind of continual feeling of contentment. Continual feeling of contentment versus some people might think of happy as being elated in the moments of happiness that I call joy. So joy to me and happiness are something slightly different.

Kristine Carlson: 19:57

Joy happens in a moment and happiness just kind of feels like an overall contentment with your life. It doesn't mean that you're happy every single moment of every single day. It just means that you know how to get back to that place of contentment with your life and being grateful quicker because it's the overall. You know how, like they, like there's this 80-20 rule or something where, overall, you know how to keep life in perspective and you know how to kind of go with the ebbs and flows of things that make you unhappy. And every day there's something that happens that I might wrinkle my nose at or say, oh, wow, that's not so great, or oh, that makes me mad today, or that makes me mad in this moment. But the difference between people who have tools in their toolkit or who have really discovered this deep level contentment and peace inside is not that those things don't happen. They happen to everyone every day. It's how you get back to that feeling inside, and to me, peace and happiness are very similar, and that might be something different for somebody else.

Kristine Carlson: 21:12

You have to be able to define what that state means for you, and then you don't have to make happiness your goal either. It can be something else. Whatever word resonates with you about the state of mind that you want to be in. I think the word happy is just. It means that you know, it means that you feel this sense of elation or this sense of gratitude that brings a smile to your face. You know, and, and but you can define it any way you want to, and maybe that's the first place where people need to start is really what is the state of mind they really want to be in, and and what does happy mean to them? What does that mean? You know, to like a third world country, happy might mean something totally different than to Americans, you know. So you, you know, is it a material question on some level? Maybe because happy, you know, how can you be happy when you're starving, you know? But there are people in the world and you will find this that there are people in the world, all over the world, with different circumstances, that would define themselves as happy people, or other people might define them as happy people. So it isn't really your circumstances, it's who you have developed into from the inside out and how you have done.

Kristine Carlson: 22:34

That can be a lot of different ways. You know. It can come from life, it can come from choices and it can come from and I would say 90% is how do you view life and how do you keep your life, how do you keep the traumas, the problems, the different things that happen in perspective, you know? And how do you build the resilience necessary to go through difficult times and then return to a place where you can say, yeah, I feel happy.

Kristine Carlson: 23:09

Just yesterday I was thinking I was just out walking my dog and he was running up a grassy hill and I was just like feeling this bounce in my step and I was like the sun was shining and I'm like I feel so happy, you know, and it's like this, this feeling of I'm so glad I'm here, I'm so glad I'm alive, I'm so glad I get to take this moment in, and it feels so good, you know, and and that's kind of, I think, how I define happy and sure you're right about your kids.

Kristine Carlson: 23:43

You know you're setting your kids up for a bad situation If you, if you say you only want them to be happy, because that isn't life. Even the happiest people in life have tremendous moments of grief and sadness, and life is about having all of the experience too. But I think that I don't think that happiness is so far off base that we can't attain some every day or that we can't attain a high level of contentment in our lives that feels very stable, that feels very good for the most part, with the natural vacillations that happen every moment, you know, with disappointments that happen, with um. You know things that people say to you that might anger you. You know all of that is just normal. It happens to everyone every single day.

Sandy Kruse: 24:38

Yeah, I did this. I did this podcast with uh God, what's his name? Hale Dwarfskin, dwarfskin Dwarfskin. He wrote the Sedona Method. Have you read that book? I haven't. So he was actually part of gosh Rhonda. I can't remember the name. The Secret, remember the Secret? Rhonda Hall, rhonda? Was it Patrick? Oh, I don't know. She wrote the secret. Oh, okay, okay and, and so he was actually working with her and I think he was in the movie the secret and I recorded with him and we talked about how to become imperturbable and it was a really neat discussion and, of of course, you know, it involves all kinds of things, like things that trigger you and you know, basically the whole point is, when we're constantly triggered, we are far from imperturbable.

Sandy Kruse: 25:40

Right, we want to be in that place where, sure, that's not saying you should put up with abuse or anything like that. That's not what I'm saying. But what I'm saying is in this world we kind of have a lot of these triggers and we live in an electronics world where we have social media trolls and we have, like it's just, it's a lot, and Hale talked about being imperturbable. So it's kind of like what you're saying you go for a walk with your dog and you're just like wow, like life is good, and that kind of stuff. Just it rolls off my back because it just doesn't matter.

Kristine Carlson: 26:27

And I think it's about kind of also, when I think of imperturbable, I think about being less reactive and more responsive to life.

Kristine Carlson: 26:36

It's really about not splitting the small stuff. I mean, yes, you know so, like, like you, defining what small stuff is. You know small stuff isn't when your husband dies or when you get the news of cancer. You know so, like like you, defining what small stuff is. You know small stuff isn't when your husband dies or when you get the news of cancer. You know that's big stuff, and you know. And and yet small stuff is really what bothers most people the most.

Kristine Carlson: 26:56

A lot of people do really much better than we would think in the big stuff, and the small stuff is what bags and takes away and steals joy every single day. And when you are super reactive to life, then you are easily triggered. You're just, it's like you're a pin cushion ready to get pinned versus, you know, versus like a rock where water is falling over you. You know, yeah, it's like you want to become that rock that just allows water to fall over you, versus being a pin cushion that is being pricked all day long. And I think that's where when people start to realize that in order to do that, in order to practice that way of life, you have to be able to be mindful and pause. You have to be able to. I call it stop, drop and notice, like sort of like what you do in a fire you stop, drop and roll. I call it stop, drop and notice. Like stop, drop down into yourself, into your heart and notice how you're feeling. And when you notice how you're feeling, you can notice if you're feeling agitated or not. And then you can pause and reflect on what it is that's agitating you. Or maybe your body isn't feeling good. Sometimes we're just in a reactive state because we didn't sleep well the night before or we're coming down with something or we're PMSing. If you're a woman or you're stressed out about something, and I think when you can stop and pause and become more mindful about what it is you're feeling, then you can become curious and question what is the nature of your thinking, how are you thinking and what are you thinking and what are you thinking about today?

Kristine Carlson: 28:46

I I think it's very simple that it goes back, everything goes back to our thoughts and our thoughts about life and the lens from which we're viewing life. And the more we can track our own thinking about things, the more we can interrupt those thought patterns. You know, one of the beautiful things about neuroscience today is. It shows us that we all toxicity means that you can rewire your brain in a positive way, like you can change your thought patterns and rewire your brain, and what's in it for you to do that is that it's if we were able to track our thinking all of us we would be able to see these different thought patterns that bring us to different places within ourselves and they're very ingrained in us. Like we all have these tape-recorded things that we say to ourselves all day long and in a loop. But the more that you can interrupt that loop, the better you're going to feel and the more you'll vacillate towards something more positive, because you're consciously trying, you're consciously deciding and choosing to do that.

Kristine Carlson: 29:58

And and this is where true consciousness comes in is when you get to choose, so when you get to see yourself and become the witness of your thinking and I love, like Eckhart Tolle's book the Power of Now and A New Earth, because he talks a lot about this where you can witness your thinking and once you can sit back and witness your own thoughts and realize, wow, I now know why I'm feeling so bad, I now know why I'm so reactive, but so now I just have to catch myself. I have to catch myself in the act and then I have to stop, drop in and notice, like before I react and when we start to do this, life starts to really magically change and we change and I think with that, sandy, comes up a much higher level of compassion that has the opportunity to grow. What I have found over my lifetime is the people who have the least level of compassion for others actually have the least level of compassion for others, actually have the least level of compassion for themselves. When you're super hard on yourself, you tend to be hard on others, and when you're super hard on yourself, you tend to be more reactive. So if you can soften and be more gentle and more kind and compassionate with yourself and the way you talk to yourself and the kinds of thoughts that you're thinking about yourself and about your life, then you'll start to see that you'll start to replace those thoughts with more positive ones.

Kristine Carlson: 31:31

It's just the natural evolution of what we do as humans. So, yeah, so I know that kind of went on a tangent, but I really feel like so much of that is that the nature of what keeps us back and holds us back from choosing to be happier people from choosing to be more content, from becoming, you know, less reactive and more responsive to life and and certainly like our books in the don'ts with a small stuff series or they point to all these principles really beautifully. That's why people have loved them over the years is that it really teaches you how to do this like very practical things that people don't even know they're rewiring their brain, but they are. We know that now.

Sandy Kruse: 32:17

Yeah, I think you know there's obviously there's different personality types and you mentioned people who are harder on themselves tend to be harder on others. So I am 100% fully admitting that I am very hard on myself and I tend to be hard on people around me, and it all really stems from these expectations. Right, I expect that it should go this way, because this is what I would do in this situation, and so it's almost like I set myself up for failure all the time, christine, all the time. And I do this because it's kind of in my nature, because I expect that I would act in this way, so why wouldn't they? And I know it's wrong and I sometimes have a hard time snapping myself out of it. So you'll probably love this, but you know, what I've found as a tactic to snap me out of that and to get me out of that whole expectation loop which disappoints me and then makes me unhappy, is I started doing this whole Ho'oponopono regularly.

Kristine Carlson: 33:38

Oh, I love that. I love that. I was just doing that this morning.

Sandy Kruse: 33:40

Oh, were you? Okay? So you know what I did. Okay, you're going to laugh at this one.

Kristine Carlson: 33:46

Why don't you describe that for everyone so they know what it is?

Sandy Kruse: 33:49

Yeah, Sure, I'm sorry, please forgive me. No wait, oh see, now I'm all, I'm all. I don't have it written. Please forgive me, I'm, oh, my God, christine.

Kristine Carlson: 34:03

I'll look it up, but you know it doesn't really matter. That's what I heard.

Sandy Kruse: 34:07

Yes.

Kristine Carlson: 34:08

It's like you can kind of just say it different every time, as long as you get the four things. I'm sorry, Please forgive me. Thank you I love you.

Sandy Kruse: 34:16

Okay, that's it, that's it. So I actually, on a post-it note, wrote this on my mirror in my bathroom and I wrote it on my husband's, because both of us tend to almost ruminate on things that maybe can't change right now and it's not to do, it's just in life and it could disappoint us and make us unhappy and then you get in that loop and I've started doing this regularly. So it's the first thing I see in the mirror. So I usually say it a few times while I'm in the shower. I go on what I like to call ho'oponopono walks, where I just I don't I never have headphones on when I walk in nature and I say it and I notice the things around me and I noticed I've actually done that. You know where I've had conversations with my daughter and you know they say you can send ho'oponopono to someone else. When you think of them I've read a few books on this you think of them.

Sandy Kruse: 35:29

I've read a few books on this. I have found it kind of changed my life for the better, and I know it sounds so simple, but I think everybody has a different tactic or whatever that they'll resonate with. This really resonated with me, as simple as it is.

Kristine Carlson: 35:41

Yeah, I think it's really powerful to have tools like that in your back pocket and things that you go to. I went to that this morning because I had a let's say it's a conflict. It was more like we just weren't on the same page, like we weren't understanding. I mean, I understood, but I think I was placing my values on somebody else and kind of in mad that she wasn't doing what I wanted her to do. And it had to do with a dear friend of mine who's just lost her husband and her daughter. And I just thought well, you know you need to go out there and be with your mom. You know you've got to go out there and be with your mom and she needs you now. But there was this dysfunctional stuff going on between them where the mother is still taking care of the daughter, she doesn't live close, all this stuff, just a situation. And I just remember, like a feeling, like well, you, sometimes, you know, you just love us fierce and sometimes you just have to say I'm coming out, you know, because I don't believe that you can make the decision you need to make for yourself right now. You just lost your husband last week and so I was really impressing that on this person and and I really offended her and deeply offended her and I could tell and she was very um, you know, I, I understood. I mean she, she could tell I was thinking of her a certain way, which may or may not be true at all about her, and I started to become aware of that this morning.

Kristine Carlson: 37:10

So I did the Ho'oponopono exercise and then I texted her and I told her. I said you know, I just really hope you have a wonderful day and I want you to know that that I had it. What did I say? I can even read it to you from my own phone. I said Good morning, I hope your day is full of joy. I do trust your instincts where your mom is concerned and know you will support her in many ways. Lots of love. And then she just said she wrote me back Good morning, I will always appreciate your love and concern. You're the best. So it healed something that I was mad about that I know she was probably very upset by, and it was just a four-line message note saying you know I trust you. And that came through that exercise, like I. And then it's so now we can both go about our business and I can support her mom the way I feel like she needs it. She can support her mom the way she is going to do with her mom, and it's all fine, you know.

Kristine Carlson: 38:16

But I had overreacted and gotten all caught up in my own ideas and my own expectations, just like you said. You did and, and you know, sometimes we do have really strong feelings about things. But but I think behind all of it, we have to give other people the grace also of knowing that just because we think something's true doesn't mean it's always true, and and so when I get caught up in a situation like that, I quickly come back to that idea that just because I think it's this way doesn't mean it actually is. It's just what I'm thinking, and and I don't, I don't, I'm like, I don't like to be, you know, I don't like having energy sucks, you know, like where I'm allowing some situation to suck my joy out of me, to suck my energy out. But I have way too much that I want to accomplish and contribute to others and to serve, and I definitely want to serve from love and to serve, and I definitely want to serve from love, and and so when I'm, when I'm off base, like I might have been off base yesterday I quickly come back to this idea like what's the most important thing here?

Kristine Carlson: 39:33

Most important thing is that we find this mutual love that we have for this woman who's going through loss and that we become her team. And we can't become a team if we're separating because we think other people should be doing things the way we want them to. You know, people have to do what they're going to do, you know, based on what they can do and what they is in their heart to do, and then you have to be grateful for what they do do and then do your part the way you need to do it. So, yeah, so I don't know. That was kind of interesting how that all came around in this conversation, but I hope that other people listening find that helpful.

Sandy Kruse: 40:13

I do think that if you look at well, I guess there's a couple of different points there. If you look at, the root of a lot of unhappiness can be expectations of people who you expect to act a certain way around you and they don't. And then another root of unhappiness could be if you allow all these external voices come into your head and then they can start to affect your happiness. I mean, we see that happening in the world right now, right.

Kristine Carlson: 40:52

Yeah, you mean external, like input, from like social media and from all the different news channels. Yes, and it gets you so fired up and yeah, as soon as I feel fired up, I turn off the news. Yeah, I'm like okay, I've had enough.

Sandy Kruse: 41:10

Me too. Like I feel, like you know, for me there are certain things that can affect me in such a way that it will upset me, and I feel like you know, the more empathic you are, the more certain things will affect you. Like I can't watch certain things at night because you know, there was a time I remember back oh gosh, I used to be massively into Grey's Anatomy. I used to love it, and then there was one season it happened to be around the same time that my daughter was sick and it was all these sick kids, the storyline, and I'm like I'm done. I turned it off and I never watched it again because it was affecting my brain, my happiness, it was putting all sorts of things in my head that really didn't need to be there. So I think having these kinds of boundaries around what's coming at us is really important.

Kristine Carlson: 42:20

Yeah, I think you have to ask yourself what is really feeding your anxiety and what's helping take, you know, helping you cope. And certainly, if something's feeding your angst, you don't want to keep feeding your angst. You want to get yourself away from the things that are feeding your angst and return to what nurtures, you know, a calm, more peaceful feeling inside. And again, you know like I think all of these things are things that you have to cultivate. You know it doesn't happen like right all at once. Generally it's, it's like peace is something that you need to cultivate. And what I always say to people is just from the moment you start your day, even if you look at how you start your day, you know how you start your day is really how you live your day. So, when you get out of bed, what is the first thing besides peeing that we all do?

Sandy Kruse: 43:19

Yeah, yeah, or a cup of coffee, hey yeah, yeah.

Kristine Carlson: 43:24

So coffee, and then what you know, like I always say to people like I literally sit in silence for about five minutes before I get up. Then I get up and then I go and I, you know, before I get up, then I get up and then I go and I, you know, I drink a big glass of water and then I make my coffee and then I sit and it's silent. I mean I feed my dog because he's going to be looking at me and bothering me if I don't. So I feed my dog but then I sit in silence and I'm usually turn on my fireplace if it's the winter or sit outside and watch the sunrise if it's nice outside, and I literally don't go to my phone for like a half an hour. I don't look at my computer or go to my phone for half an hour because I just want to be in that space of quiet and peace and solitude and just allow myself to just kind of like bathe in it before I start my day. And then I start my day and I live from that place of peace. You know, often I'll close my eyes in meditation. Sometimes I won't. It just depends on what I'm feeling. Sometimes I find an open-eyed meditation with the fire better, you know. But I just I think the more you start your day off the way you want to live it, the more chance you have of maintaining that sense of happiness or peace or composure or contentment throughout your day. And it's like a touchstone really, closure or contentment throughout your day. And it's like a touchstone really. I mean, if you can find it within yourself and cultivate it and you know what it feels like, you can return to that, you know, throughout your day. And by just simply closing your eyes and you know, remembering or placing your hand on your heart and tuning into your heart or asking yourself a question, how are you feeling? You know, just, these simple kinds of things are what return us to a state of mind that again I'll go back to what we said earlier that we can become more responsive to life versus reactive.

Kristine Carlson: 45:37

And responsive again is to be able to pause before you respond, and it could be a moment of pause. It doesn't mean like you're going to pause for 10 minutes before you answer somebody's question. It just means a moment that you're going to take a deep breath and you're going to notice how are you feeling before you react. You know reaction is knee jerk Response, takes a moment of checking in, and that's perfectly okay. I mean, you'll find people really love that when you, when you just take a moment and you pause and contemplation. Sometimes one of my best lines when somebody says something that upsets me is wow, you know, I really need to think about that. I really need to think about what you're saying, and and it's like because then they know I'm not reacting, but I'm going to think about it, I'm going to contemplate it, I really need to think about that. That makes me really curious. I don't know the answer to that right now.

Sandy Kruse: 46:37

I like that and then I like so the one thing I think that also can contribute to and I'm going to switch this to peace, because I think we kind of agree that peace just it's more aligned to what we're talking about it is. Here's a good example. I hear a lot of times oh, I can't do that, I have to get up, I have to go to work. I have this kind of a job, I have this and I'm like okay, so let me think about this Good example. I'm traveling, I have to get up super early in the morning and you know how morning flights it's like, stressful, and you got to get to the airport and there's traffic. So what I do is I make sure I get up a half hour earlier than I actually need to for that piece Just to set. I'll do everything, I'll move it and I'll shift it, just so I can have that little bit of peace. And usually how I start my day I think you're going to like this one, christine, because I started this. Actually it's over a month that I've been doing this now.

Sandy Kruse: 47:52

There were some stuff that was going on just before Christmas and stuff that I had no control over. So instead of writing in my journal, which I normally do, I fast forwarded to one year. So, let's say, if it was December 15th, I forwarded it. Maybe you've heard this. I saw this from somebody and I'm like, oh God, I love this. So instead of writing December 15th 2024, I wrote December 15th 2025. And every single day it's now over a month I'm journaling as though it's one year later. So I heard this, or I read this from somebody that it actually can help shift your own energy and your own mindset and your own vibration, so that you're more aligned and attuned to you know what you really want out of life. So I have two journals like I have one where it's you know it's it's kind of a crapshoot journal where I'm just going to write whatever I need to get off my chest or anything. And then I have this journal where it's more of yeah, I'm aligned to that.

Sandy Kruse: 49:13

So you know I'm kind of a weirdo. I like to do different methods to support my piece different methods to support my, my peace.

Kristine Carlson: 49:25

Well, there's a, there's a chapter in Don't Stop the Small Stuff and it says ask yourself the question will this matter a year from now? And so it's like, if you can, if you can ask yourself that question and you're dealing with something that is, you know, a real problem, well that real problem will matter a year from now. But if it's not a real problem and it's just something you're sweating that you can let go of today, it won't matter a year from now, and you'll find that it works really well to gain perspective. So, in a way, I think, when you forward to a year from now, that's pretty cool. You know, like you're, you're kind of acknowledging what are, what are the? What are, what is that year from now? Look like.

Sandy Kruse: 50:07

Yeah, I think we have to figure out. I mean, some people might go okay, that's weird, I wouldn't do that and that's okay.

Sandy Kruse: 50:14

But for me, I I find it really helps me because it helps me to really align with, like you said, what matters these are the things that matter, and whatever's going on now that I can't change right now, I'm going to maybe put it in my you know, let off some steam crap journal, because I also believe yeah, and also don't sweat the small stuff journal. You know, sometimes we have to unload, you do.

Kristine Carlson: 50:51

Yeah, you have to. You have to let it go, and whatever it takes for you to let things go, that don't matter. It just opens up space for you to live into what really matters to you. And I think, even just taking time to answer those questions, you know, at different stages of your life, because what matters to us in our 30s and 40s doesn't matter so much in our 50s and 60s. You'll see a lot of young people buying new furniture, building their lives, you know, getting their homes in order, and you'll see a lot of people my age selling their homes, getting rid of their stuff, you know. And so I think it's really helpful over time to understand that we change with our lives and that that's perfectly okay and good and, in fact, healthy to change and to allow yourself the gift of change. And yeah, what a great conversation we've had today, Sandy. We've gone all over the map.

Sandy Kruse: 51:48

I know we have. I have to talk because before, before Christine and I recorded, I sent her this research and I thought it was super interesting. So I am going to link this in the show notes and basically it answers the question do you think the world is happier now than before? And some of the research so this is the research comes from integrated value surveys by Our World in Data. I will cite it properly in my show notes. So in Canada in general, in 1984, this is self-reported 95.8% of people self-reported that they are happy. In 2022, that percentage dropped significantly to 84.9% happy. In the United States 1984, 90.3% happy. 2022, 88.2% happy. So what I will put in the show notes is the link to this research. They're coming out with the newest poll in February and of course it's very subjective. It's kind of like what we talked about. It's self-reported. But I mean I've seen research where they say that people who don't have children are happier. So it's very subjective. Like I can't imagine my life without my children.

Kristine Carlson: 53:22

I can't, there might be less stress for them. Maybe it's based on stress, A lot of this. There's a lot of stress in parenting, for sure. I mean, especially today and with all the gosh, all the things you have to be worried about and concerned about and you know, the social media and all that stuff. There's a lot of stress in parenting. So maybe people equate their stress level with happiness. I would imagine.

Sandy Kruse: 53:50

I think so, and I know that there was one graph there that even talked about economic stress and financial stress as it related to happiness and financial stress as it related to happiness. And you know I'm going to put this link because you know, and I think maybe we'll end with, I'm going to ask you the question do you think the world is happier now than, let's say, 1984, or not as happy? What are your thoughts on that?

Kristine Carlson: 54:24

1984 or not as happy. What are your thoughts on that? Well, absolutely, I don't think people are happier today. I think that we're living in a world that is promoting. You know, many people are divided and they're not finding the common ground, the ways that we're more alike than different. They're valuing things that destroy their relationships versus build relationship. And, yeah, I don't think the world is a happier place today. There's a lot of, you know, there's just a lot of discord going on.

Kristine Carlson: 55:04

But that doesn't mean that you can't be working on your own happiness quotient. It doesn't mean that you can't practice a life in a certain way that brings you, you know, deeper engagement, that brings you into a place where you feel more content. And you know, that's why I did come on today to again was was. We have a new book out Don't Split the Small Stuff Every Day and it's a thought-by-thought book where it's one page a day. That gives you a life practice, that gives you perspective, that gives you something to think about, that will help your relationships with your family, your coworkers, your kids, your family, your coworkers, your kids or it gives you something to think about and how to take care of yourself in a way that promotes peace, that promotes gratitude, and these are the kinds of things that as a world, we're maybe not focused on, but as an individual, you can focus on them, and each individual and the level that they're able to create of their own contentment and happiness in their own lives impacts the world greatly.

Kristine Carlson: 56:07

Because yeah, because it impacts your family, it impacts your friends, it impacts the circle, the community that you live in. You can see that in the grocery store. You know somebody who walks in with a smile on their face, that connects to other people, versus somebody who's grumpy and doesn't connect with other people and is just grumpy. You know, and it's like you can see, and I do think that post COVID has had a lot to do with why people are still reeling from the trauma of that experience. You know it's it's many people didn't do very well with their mental wellness during that time and are still healing from that.

Kristine Carlson: 56:45

You know so, and we don't really talk about that because it's like anything, we're just supposed to get over things so quickly, but really we're only talking about three or four years since we were in COVID and that's just. You know, that's not really a lot of time for people who are deeply wounded by that time. So, that said, you know these kinds of conversations, I think I hope have inspired your listeners today. I know I feel inspired just by being in your presence, sandy, and so thank you, thank you for opening the door to this conversation. It's been really powerful and wonderful, and I hope your listeners feel so too.

Sandy Kruse: 57:26

I feel exactly the same as you, Christine. We somehow have that, and you know it's that energy of the collective right. It's like what you're saying. Like my husband, he can come home, Christine, and look at my face and then immediately feel like, oh, she's had a bad day. It's rare because that's not usually how he comes home to me, but he can feel it when it's not. So I think we provided the listeners a few different tools and a conversation that would maybe help to enlighten and inspire others that whatever you're putting out there, you're getting back. You're actually contributing to a collective of higher vibrational beings on this planet. It helps with our world, it helps with our happiness overall. So I know you're doing so many great things and you do all kinds of retreats and speaking events and I just think you're pretty cool, Christine. Someday we'll meet in person, I love that, thank you, thank you so much, Sandy.

Sandy Kruse: 58:53

Thank you, Christine, for your time. When you rate, review, subscribe, you help to support my content and help me to keep going and bringing these conversations to you each and every week. Join me next week for a new topic, new guest, new exciting conversations to help you live your best life.